Saturday, February 08, 2014

Want instant fame? Create an insanely stupid conspiracy theory!

I was watching TV today, and I was quite shocked to see a new advert for Tetley Tea show up ('cos there's not been one on telly for four years). I was also quite shocked, in a really rather good way, to see that it's got aliens in it...

Now that is a cool alien design. However, after I'd boggled at how cool it was to see aliens advertising the very elixir of life (I haven't been this excited about an advert since the Smash robots), I had another thought, and it was this: "I wonder if someone has now said this advert is part of the alien conspiracy theory?"

So I had a look, and glory be, the conspiracy theorists didn't disappoint...

Y'see, apparently, this new advert is either another part of the insidious reptilian indoctrination that's going to make us all slaves of the NWO, or it's the governments of the world preparing us for when they finally disclose the fact that aliens don't just exist but are here. The details are a bit sketchy, since conspiracy theories tend to contradict each other rather a lot, but given that they're both a complete load of turgid cobblers, I'm not entirely sure it matters.

And there was me thinking Tetley just wanted to sell more tea by tapping into the ol' Doctor Who zeitgeist-y thing, and scaly skin being a damn sight easier to make look realistic than, say, feathers. Hell, the ad's creators, Creature London, may very well be aware of the whole reptilian conspiracy (hence the aliens being chameleonic), and decided to take the mickey 'cos, y'know, they are Brits.

It's kinda what we do...

We see this kind of thing all the time on places like AboveTopSecret and the David Icke forums; seriously, anything that even slightly involves aliens gets pegged as being part of the grand conspiracy theory (I've seen people say that about everything from Star Wars, to Doctor Who, to Mass Effect, and beyond), and that got me thinking.

I write books with aliens in them...

When are they going to accuse me of being a shill for the Illuminati? Where's my claims of being a disinformation agent?

More to the point, since that hasn't happened, why aren't I making my own conspiracy theory to take advantage of them, and sell more books? I mean I did already base three of the species in my books (the koetaani, sookas and vossarulls) on the three biggies in conspiracy theories (greys, reptilians and nordics), back when I was in my not-as-sceptical-as-I-should-have-been period, so surely I'm a shoe-in to have a conspiracy theory built around me, right?

So, if anyone has ideas about what kind of conspiracy theory could be built around me, leave a comment. The funnier the better.

Also, just to egg them on a bit, I do have scaly skin on my left hand, although that might just be eczema coming back. The truth is out there (or it's on my hand, at least)!

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